There is no comparison in pain between sex and love addiction. And, people who thankfully don't have to experience love addiction might smile and joke at the concept. However, the truth is that love addiction can be just or even more debilitating than any addiction. When one becomes so romantically obsessed with another person, to the extent that nothing, literally nothing else matters. No one else in the world matters or worth living for. The love addict wakes up, throughout the day, before falling asleep, and in one's dreams continues to obsess about the other person. Life is being sucked out. Pain, tears and the feeling of not knowing what else to do create a lifeless daily routine. Relationships with partners, co-workers, friends and anyone else outside of the romantic obsession take second place. The longing for the love addict for recognition by the romantic obsession is immense and all consuming. The helplessness over the situation is debilitating. People may begin to experience anxiety, panic attacks, and depression and even become suicidal. This disease is real and does not deserve to be questioned by others who are free of the romantic obsessions. There is hope and recovery from this awful disease. You can regain sanity, honesty and a self of self. You owe it to yourself to become gentle and loving with yourself. You can begin to experience life in a sober way and enjoy healthy sexual intimacy in your relationships.
OLAs cannot let go of someone they love even if their partner is: Unavailable emotionally or sexually, Afraid to commit, Unable to communicate, Unloving, Distant, Abusive, Controlling and dictatorial, Ego-centric, Selfish, Addicted to something outside the relationship (hobbies, drugs, alcohol, sex, someone else, gambling, shopping, etc.)
From a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, CLAs try desperately to hold on to the people they are addicted to using codependent behavior. This includes enabling, rescuing, caretaking, passive-aggressive controlling, and accepting neglect or abuse.
RAs unlike other love addicts are no longer in love with their partners, but still cannot let go. Usually, they are so unhappy that the relationship affects their health, spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them, and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt or abandon their partners. This can be summed up as "I hate you don't leave me."
NLAs use dominance, seduction and withholding to control their partners. NLAs appear aloof and unconcerned until you leave them. Then they panic and use anything at their disposal to hold on to the relationship -- including violence.
ALAs have a hard time moving forward. They desperately crave love, but at the same time they are terrified of intimacy. This combination is agonizing. ALAs also come in different forms, listed below.
Are ALAs who obsess about someone who is unavailable. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some Torch Bearers are more addicted than ours. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love.
Are ALAs who destroy relationship when they start to get serious or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can be anytime -- before the first date, after the first date, after sex, after the subject of commitment comes up -- whenever.
Are ALAs who always come on to you when they want sex or companionship. When they become frightened, or feel unsafe, they begin withholding companionship, sex, affection -- anything that makes them feel anxious. If they leave the relationship when they become frightened, they are just Saboteurs. If they keep repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable, they are Seductive Withholders.
Are ALAs who are addicted to multiple partners. Romance addicts are often confused with sex addicts. However, unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners -- to one degree or another -- even if the romantic liaisons are short lived or happening simultaneously. "Romance" is seen as sexual passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. Please note that while Romance Addicts bond with each of their partners to a degree, their goal (besides getting high off of romance and drama) is to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with one partner.
Peabody, S. (n.d.). Types of Love Addicts. Types of Love Addicts. Retrieved August 24, 2013, from http://thelovelyaddict.com/types-of-love-addicts/
